Holy shit, life has been busy the past week. Admittedly, part of my business has been trolling the fuck out of Dump and his Dumpsters on Twitter and also slaving away on Sims trying to win a French Chateau. I'm not going to get the house, in case you were wondering. I looked up a discussion site and they kind of set people up to have to spend real money to complete those contests and I refuse!! I'll spend real money, once in a while, to get a cute new pet or flying mount on WoW but I am not going to spend $25 to get a virtual house on a tablet game. Fuck that! Okay on to more pressing things...
So Shaun had his surgery and for the first time, I spent the night at a hospital without being the patient. It was interesting being on that side of things and I did appreciate them bringing me a fold out bed. By that night I had been up for about a day and a half. I took my meds and crashed out hard. The surgery went well and the results were that Shaun had larger than normal ovaries with multiple follicles. Nothing else was detected really. I think he was hoping for something more substantial to be found so he could feel validated about his pain. I was able to relate on a small level and assure him that I know first hand that large ovaries full of follicles is extremely painful. I went through it when I was doing IVF. They harvested 20 eggs from my ovaries and then I had to go to work and could not even stand up straight without narcotics.
About a day after we got home, he was complaining of nausea and said he was going to throw up. If I had a quarter for every time he said he was going to throw up... I've never seen him throw up ever. He did throw up though and it was violent. I didn't react too strongly at first but then he kept throwing up. Our insurance is asstastic when it comes to referrals so I kept trying to get a hold of someone there but it kept disconnecting me. So much for 24 hour nurse line! Then I tried to get a hold of the on call doctor for Shaun's OB and that also kept disconnecting us. We ended up going back to the same hospital he had his surgery and they did a CT scan and said he had an illius, which is basically saying that his bowels never woke back up from anesthesia so nothing he was putting in his mouth was processing. He had to go without all food and liquids and be on just IV fluids until the bowels woke up on their own. That ended up being a couple of days and I did not spend the night that time. I had to go to work. In fact, Shaun got released from the hospital a few hours before I had to be at work. I've been totally exhausted through the past week with my sleep schedule being all fucked up.
I feel like a major asshole for this but I kind of hit my limit of patience before Shaun had his surgery so I'm just at the point of trying to remain calm and unreactive and I feel bad about that because of course he will be in a pain and need help right after surgery. It's been really hard to remain open after months of walking on eggshells being yelled at and then the constant complaining about what ever part of his body feels like. UGHHHHH!!! I just mostly internalize my shit and I think most people with chronic pain do. He knows about all this though. I have told him I am sorry I'm not a better care giver like he needs. I'm just really fried. He does say that he can already feel a difference without the girly guts. I'm just really hoping this surgery fixes a lot of things. He says he feels a lot more emotinally stable too, like not containing constant rage attacks. Thank the Universe! It's been a major undertaking for me not to react to the emotional outbursts with my own, which only makes things worse. It's no mystery that I have my own anger dragons to wrestle.
Speaking of which, I'm still totally disgusted with my mother and still have no desire to speak to her, which actually surprises me. I kind of feel like a veil has been lifted and I see a side of her that I never believed was there. It's not just stupid and ignorant. It's actually mean. I never saw her as a mean person before but right after I deleted her she started letting the bullshit fly. I'm glad she's doing it. I'd rather dislike her for who she is than to like her and have it be a lie. OMG the stuff she posts now... The stupid burns so much! Today she was totally going off about how liberal feminists were the ones that are ruining everything. The day she hung up on me it was Black Lives Matter people who were ruining everything. She's just GROSS! I can't make excuses for her anymore. I just want to projectile vomit on her face! If I didn't kind of look like her, I'd swear I was adopted. Since I'm no longer on her FB, Shaun's been telling me what's going on and how other family members are confronting her on the stupidity and hypocrisy of her posts. One of them is my brother in law. I messaged him and told him I'm embarassed she is my mother. He was defending her and making excuses for her just as I have all these years and the funny thing is, she talks shit about him all the time. He has no idea. Anyway, I can't say I will never speak to her again but I can say, I still have no desire. A thing has been going around that the majority of Dumpsters actually believe Green Bowling Massacre is a real thing. FUCKING REALLY???!!! We need an asteroid STAT. Just wipe us all out. Humans are way too stupid to exist anymore.
As far as the weight loss surgery thing goes, I found out that my insurance will only pay for it if I have a BMI of at least 45 or 40 with major medical issues. I have to be morbidly obese with a foot in the grave already. That seems really dumb because at that point, I'd have 40 pounds of extra skin hanging and need even more surgeries for that. So I talked to Shaun and I'm going to self pay. It costs over $10K to do it with self pay but I'd rather do it before I'm morbidly obese. My stomach is already uncomfortable where I got the tummy tuck. Scar tissue does not stretch. I just want to do it and move on. I have a consultation Monday and have to go through a few steps to make it happen. I have an entire wardrobe I can't wear because of this. I bought new scrub pants and I have stretchy pants that stretch on the pockets. That and tube dresses are what I have to wear right now. It's frustrating and demoralizing. Okay, going to stop whining about that now. I just hope I can pass the psych eval on it. I may try to Google it and see what they are looking for. I do have a history of eating disorders from my teenage and early adult years. Should I lie about that and say I don't? I fail so many trick questions because of honesty.
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