This week has been pretty brutal. I've had to do a list of things to move forward with my surgery and it's all on day-walker hours so it was harsh. Shaun is still dealing with stuff. If it's not stuff about the surgery, it's stuff about menopause/hormone changes. I don't feel like listing it out. I'm just trying to not feel overwhelmed with taking care of all the day to day stuff, at the same time as going to tons of appointments and trying to get sleep in. Shaun mostly just sleeps. Earlier tonight my mother texted him to say she thinks I have her blocked so I'm not receiving her phone calls or messages. He shared it with me and complained about being in the middle. I texted my mother back to tell her I did not have her blocked. I just don't want to talk to her. She thinks I won't talk to her because of what she posts or doesn't post to her FB. Then she said I wasn't talking to her because she hung up on me. I told her I'm not talking to her because she's blind to herself and I'm focused on surviving the orange piece of shit and her religion that is so terrified of "the other" that they want to burn the whole fucking country down. She quoted me a bible verse. I told her I can't wait for her religion to go extinct.
And so it goes...
Every time I see another Dumpster loudly being racist, a bigot or saying something totally stupid, my mother's face pops into my mind. I can't help it. She is now the symbol for everything Dumpster. She listed off the things she was helpful with in my life. You know... all the times I stumbled and fell and she was there. My mom is very big on duty, as was her mother. She did what was on the list of rules and that's the same as love. Except when you expect something in return or you get mad when the recipients of your deeds don't respond or act in a certain way, that's duty, not love. That's giving a gift with an invoice attached. I don't really know if or when I'll talk to my mother again. I just know that right now, my stress levels are too high to be able to deal with her so either the political climate needs to chill the fuck out or my mom needs to have the actual capacity to take responsibility for SOMETHING in her life. I think she did finally apologize to my sister for disowning her for 2 years because she got pregnant out of wedlock but it took her about 20 years to actually acknowledge it was really shitty. She said she's so happy she doesn't live a life of hate. Okay mom... Sure. I did not respond to that. That's the thing... She has no idea who she actually is and how her actions are harmful. I'm just out of spoons. I need to focus on the legislation that is targeting Shaun and I, try to deal with all the emotions of fear and grief coming from everywhere, deal with my upcoming surgery and try to manage all the anxiety that comes with what I just mentioned. I just don't have anything extra to give to stupid people because the list of rules says I should.
Monday morning I have a "Pre Op" appointment and that is when I will find out the date of my surgery. I'm going to try to make it for 2 weeks from last Tuesday. I need to get all of this taken care of before April, when the other night nurse is going to be out for a couple of weeks. I've been busting my ass to get this as fast tracked as possible. Shaun wants me to do it before his FMLA runs out. I'm not sure how he thinks he will be able to help me when he can't even do the dishes right now. As all things, it will work out somehow. The side effects of having this surgery are numerous and a bit daunting. It will come at a heavy price, besides financial. It needs to be done though. Even with me watching what I eat and being careful most of the time, I have gained 3 pounds every week this year. It's terrifying actually. My stomach is hard and straining against the long scar that goes from one hip to the other. Almost none of my clothes fit anymore. It takes more effort to breathe. It just needs to be done. Temporary hair loss will likely be one of the side effects. If it gets weird, I'll just shave my head again. Been there, done that. Also I'm not supposed to drink alcohol for at least 18 months. I probably will not follow that rule though I will definitely make it on rare ocassion and much less in quantity. The nutritionist said no one ever follows that rule. I think his main thing was, don't switch addictions. I started my pre surgery diet Tuesday, which is high protein, low carb. No more than 30 grams of carbs a day which is nothing. Shaun got me some tiny Atkins bars and those have 20 grams of carbs. The purpose of the diet is to shrink the liver so the stomach can be accessed for the surgery. Without the diet, the liver would be in the way too much and surgery would be cancelled. After the surgery I'll be on pure liquids for a few weeks, then purreed foods, then soft, then regular. It takes months to get to regular foods.
Shaun and I got into an interesting conversation. The state of Texas is now going after LGBT rights with renewed vigor. We talked about how Shaun could legally change his gender marker since he's had top surgery and a hysterectomy, if Texas were to take away the right to same sex marriage. Then the conversation took a dark detour and we thought about the worst happening. What if we were put in detention or prison for protesting or whatever? What about the bathroom bill? If his marker changed, it would mean forcing him to be locked up with men. That terrified him. He would be somebody's bitch for sure in that case. He abandoned the gender marker idea after that because the thought of being forced into spaces with men was too terrifying for him. These are just some of the things we talk about that other people would never even think to be an issue.
I'm so looking forward to the possibility of getting restful sleep and not being exhausted all the time. To be able to move better without so much pain and just feel better about my insides and outsides.
I really need to get back into painting.
Friday, February 24, 2017
Thursday, February 16, 2017
#Deathto
I havne't looked up why yet, but apparently, it's a thing to not be able to take NSAIDs before surgery... maybe just abdominal surgery? I'm not sure. So no ibuprofen until at least a month after surgery. Holy shit, my hips! Sometimes I can barely walk and feel like a 90 year old in need of a walker. It sucks so bad! I can take Tylenol but I just haven't. On top of that, I'm seeing that eating even the tiniest bit of nightshade veggies will give me pain in my fingers like arthritis. How can you have a taco without pico de gallo though???! It's a crime!
I've been having fun doing live streaming on the Younow app. Had my cuz on there as my "guest" so both of us are on the screen at the same time and people can watch and comment. I later read the rules of using the app. We aren't supposed to show nudity or use vulgar language. OMG I've broken so many rules already! LMAO! Well I showed a boob tat. That may explain why a YouNow admin came into my first broadcast but no one ever said anything. I'm not sure if it's because it really wasn't sexual in nature or because I don't have nipples. Of course someone was recording a "moment" from it so now it's immortalized forever. Same with Shaun showing his pecs and flexing like he's He Man. I also found out the age limit is only 13 for the app! I was looking around and there are a lot of young looking kids on there, which I found alarming. I don't think, as a mom, I'd let my kids on it. There are people who record themselves sleeping and people just pop in and out to watch them. Weird! Anyway, it's amusing and I've made a few friends in there. My cuz also enjoyed our little broadcast. We need to bring in her husband next!
I friended another cousin who called my mom out on her shit on FB a week or 2 ago, and sent him a PM that cheered him on for it. Yep, still not talking to her and still not missing her. She was throwing a pity party on Valentine's Day about how said she is that there's so much hate in the world. *insert giant crocodile tear* I just feel majorly manipulated by her, at this point... That she uses her little pity parties on people to keep them excusing her behavior.
This morning was a weird #matrix moment. Shaun and I just finished the last of Black Mirror, which had to do with robot bees. Ten minutes later we go to bed and a friend of mine posts about robot bees being made. I don't want to give out any spoilers but let's just say #deathto should also include #killyourself and my passive aggressive favorites, #illprayforyou and #blessyou. That would be some serious population control. See? Vague enough not to be a spoiler but if you've seen it, you'll get it.
I've been having fun doing live streaming on the Younow app. Had my cuz on there as my "guest" so both of us are on the screen at the same time and people can watch and comment. I later read the rules of using the app. We aren't supposed to show nudity or use vulgar language. OMG I've broken so many rules already! LMAO! Well I showed a boob tat. That may explain why a YouNow admin came into my first broadcast but no one ever said anything. I'm not sure if it's because it really wasn't sexual in nature or because I don't have nipples. Of course someone was recording a "moment" from it so now it's immortalized forever. Same with Shaun showing his pecs and flexing like he's He Man. I also found out the age limit is only 13 for the app! I was looking around and there are a lot of young looking kids on there, which I found alarming. I don't think, as a mom, I'd let my kids on it. There are people who record themselves sleeping and people just pop in and out to watch them. Weird! Anyway, it's amusing and I've made a few friends in there. My cuz also enjoyed our little broadcast. We need to bring in her husband next!
I friended another cousin who called my mom out on her shit on FB a week or 2 ago, and sent him a PM that cheered him on for it. Yep, still not talking to her and still not missing her. She was throwing a pity party on Valentine's Day about how said she is that there's so much hate in the world. *insert giant crocodile tear* I just feel majorly manipulated by her, at this point... That she uses her little pity parties on people to keep them excusing her behavior.
This morning was a weird #matrix moment. Shaun and I just finished the last of Black Mirror, which had to do with robot bees. Ten minutes later we go to bed and a friend of mine posts about robot bees being made. I don't want to give out any spoilers but let's just say #deathto should also include #killyourself and my passive aggressive favorites, #illprayforyou and #blessyou. That would be some serious population control. See? Vague enough not to be a spoiler but if you've seen it, you'll get it.
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
It's a Go
I met with the bariatric doctor today. She agreed to do the surgery! I pled my case on the grounds that this is ultimately the last possible thing I can do to help myself not get cancer again. This woman actually has a lot of experience dealing with breast cancer so she was totally understanding of of what I was saying. I had written this whole entry and somehow I touched something that highlighted most of the entry and deleted it and I am not going to rewrite all that shit. Fucking LJ or whatever happened! Fucking laptop touchpad! Anyway, I have a list of a few things I need to take care of and could be doing the procedure within a month.
I discovered this app that isn't even new called Younow. It's where people can livestream and talk to other people, in a video split screen or through a comment section. I did a live stream last night with Shaun for like 10 hours. LOL! Made a couple of new friends and planning to get my cuz to chat with me on it while we are having one of our late night nihilistic discussions.
Shaun is dong better... He's off the narcotics and doing Tramadol. He was a total trooper and stayed up to go with me to my consultation appointment. It wasn't until noon before we got to go to bed. It made me really happy that he went with me. He's been super supportive of all of this even if it means my butt getting smaller which makes him a sad panda. LOL!
In other news, with all the shit going down in our political system, it's seriously like living in a real soap opera, complete with cheese, crazy twists and turns and unbelievable shit that would never happen in real life, except now it does.
I discovered this app that isn't even new called Younow. It's where people can livestream and talk to other people, in a video split screen or through a comment section. I did a live stream last night with Shaun for like 10 hours. LOL! Made a couple of new friends and planning to get my cuz to chat with me on it while we are having one of our late night nihilistic discussions.
Shaun is dong better... He's off the narcotics and doing Tramadol. He was a total trooper and stayed up to go with me to my consultation appointment. It wasn't until noon before we got to go to bed. It made me really happy that he went with me. He's been super supportive of all of this even if it means my butt getting smaller which makes him a sad panda. LOL!
In other news, with all the shit going down in our political system, it's seriously like living in a real soap opera, complete with cheese, crazy twists and turns and unbelievable shit that would never happen in real life, except now it does.
Saturday, February 11, 2017
Hunger Hormones?!
OMFG!! I was just doing some online research on the different bariatric procedures so I make sure I pick the right one for me and I have discovered there are actual HUNGER HORMONES!!! I fucking KNEW it! I told Shaun multiple times that whatever mechanism that tells you when you are hungry or not is broken in me. I am constantly hungry, like starving. I mostly ignore it and have noticed that even if I'm full, maybe 15 minutes later I feel the same hunger feelings as if it's been a really long time since I last ate. It's totally bizarre!! I've never really tried to figure it out before but I learned that with the sleeve and gastric bypass surgeries, they actually cut out the part of the stomach that creates those hormones. OMG!!! That's what I fucking need! I really hope this particular doctor will go for it. I'm at a BMI of 31 and most sites say the lowest is 35 unless you have some major medical reason. My reason is unusual but it's serious, nonetheless. I'm going to drink an ass ton of water before my appointment. Don't judge! I've heard of people going in with rolls of quarters in their pockets. I don't think I even own anything that fits loose enough that wouldn't look like I have 2 dicks in my pants. Hunger hormones! Who knew?!
Mother of Dragons
Holy shit, life has been busy the past week. Admittedly, part of my business has been trolling the fuck out of Dump and his Dumpsters on Twitter and also slaving away on Sims trying to win a French Chateau. I'm not going to get the house, in case you were wondering. I looked up a discussion site and they kind of set people up to have to spend real money to complete those contests and I refuse!! I'll spend real money, once in a while, to get a cute new pet or flying mount on WoW but I am not going to spend $25 to get a virtual house on a tablet game. Fuck that! Okay on to more pressing things...
So Shaun had his surgery and for the first time, I spent the night at a hospital without being the patient. It was interesting being on that side of things and I did appreciate them bringing me a fold out bed. By that night I had been up for about a day and a half. I took my meds and crashed out hard. The surgery went well and the results were that Shaun had larger than normal ovaries with multiple follicles. Nothing else was detected really. I think he was hoping for something more substantial to be found so he could feel validated about his pain. I was able to relate on a small level and assure him that I know first hand that large ovaries full of follicles is extremely painful. I went through it when I was doing IVF. They harvested 20 eggs from my ovaries and then I had to go to work and could not even stand up straight without narcotics.
About a day after we got home, he was complaining of nausea and said he was going to throw up. If I had a quarter for every time he said he was going to throw up... I've never seen him throw up ever. He did throw up though and it was violent. I didn't react too strongly at first but then he kept throwing up. Our insurance is asstastic when it comes to referrals so I kept trying to get a hold of someone there but it kept disconnecting me. So much for 24 hour nurse line! Then I tried to get a hold of the on call doctor for Shaun's OB and that also kept disconnecting us. We ended up going back to the same hospital he had his surgery and they did a CT scan and said he had an illius, which is basically saying that his bowels never woke back up from anesthesia so nothing he was putting in his mouth was processing. He had to go without all food and liquids and be on just IV fluids until the bowels woke up on their own. That ended up being a couple of days and I did not spend the night that time. I had to go to work. In fact, Shaun got released from the hospital a few hours before I had to be at work. I've been totally exhausted through the past week with my sleep schedule being all fucked up.
I feel like a major asshole for this but I kind of hit my limit of patience before Shaun had his surgery so I'm just at the point of trying to remain calm and unreactive and I feel bad about that because of course he will be in a pain and need help right after surgery. It's been really hard to remain open after months of walking on eggshells being yelled at and then the constant complaining about what ever part of his body feels like. UGHHHHH!!! I just mostly internalize my shit and I think most people with chronic pain do. He knows about all this though. I have told him I am sorry I'm not a better care giver like he needs. I'm just really fried. He does say that he can already feel a difference without the girly guts. I'm just really hoping this surgery fixes a lot of things. He says he feels a lot more emotinally stable too, like not containing constant rage attacks. Thank the Universe! It's been a major undertaking for me not to react to the emotional outbursts with my own, which only makes things worse. It's no mystery that I have my own anger dragons to wrestle.
Speaking of which, I'm still totally disgusted with my mother and still have no desire to speak to her, which actually surprises me. I kind of feel like a veil has been lifted and I see a side of her that I never believed was there. It's not just stupid and ignorant. It's actually mean. I never saw her as a mean person before but right after I deleted her she started letting the bullshit fly. I'm glad she's doing it. I'd rather dislike her for who she is than to like her and have it be a lie. OMG the stuff she posts now... The stupid burns so much! Today she was totally going off about how liberal feminists were the ones that are ruining everything. The day she hung up on me it was Black Lives Matter people who were ruining everything. She's just GROSS! I can't make excuses for her anymore. I just want to projectile vomit on her face! If I didn't kind of look like her, I'd swear I was adopted. Since I'm no longer on her FB, Shaun's been telling me what's going on and how other family members are confronting her on the stupidity and hypocrisy of her posts. One of them is my brother in law. I messaged him and told him I'm embarassed she is my mother. He was defending her and making excuses for her just as I have all these years and the funny thing is, she talks shit about him all the time. He has no idea. Anyway, I can't say I will never speak to her again but I can say, I still have no desire. A thing has been going around that the majority of Dumpsters actually believe Green Bowling Massacre is a real thing. FUCKING REALLY???!!! We need an asteroid STAT. Just wipe us all out. Humans are way too stupid to exist anymore.
As far as the weight loss surgery thing goes, I found out that my insurance will only pay for it if I have a BMI of at least 45 or 40 with major medical issues. I have to be morbidly obese with a foot in the grave already. That seems really dumb because at that point, I'd have 40 pounds of extra skin hanging and need even more surgeries for that. So I talked to Shaun and I'm going to self pay. It costs over $10K to do it with self pay but I'd rather do it before I'm morbidly obese. My stomach is already uncomfortable where I got the tummy tuck. Scar tissue does not stretch. I just want to do it and move on. I have a consultation Monday and have to go through a few steps to make it happen. I have an entire wardrobe I can't wear because of this. I bought new scrub pants and I have stretchy pants that stretch on the pockets. That and tube dresses are what I have to wear right now. It's frustrating and demoralizing. Okay, going to stop whining about that now. I just hope I can pass the psych eval on it. I may try to Google it and see what they are looking for. I do have a history of eating disorders from my teenage and early adult years. Should I lie about that and say I don't? I fail so many trick questions because of honesty.
So Shaun had his surgery and for the first time, I spent the night at a hospital without being the patient. It was interesting being on that side of things and I did appreciate them bringing me a fold out bed. By that night I had been up for about a day and a half. I took my meds and crashed out hard. The surgery went well and the results were that Shaun had larger than normal ovaries with multiple follicles. Nothing else was detected really. I think he was hoping for something more substantial to be found so he could feel validated about his pain. I was able to relate on a small level and assure him that I know first hand that large ovaries full of follicles is extremely painful. I went through it when I was doing IVF. They harvested 20 eggs from my ovaries and then I had to go to work and could not even stand up straight without narcotics.
About a day after we got home, he was complaining of nausea and said he was going to throw up. If I had a quarter for every time he said he was going to throw up... I've never seen him throw up ever. He did throw up though and it was violent. I didn't react too strongly at first but then he kept throwing up. Our insurance is asstastic when it comes to referrals so I kept trying to get a hold of someone there but it kept disconnecting me. So much for 24 hour nurse line! Then I tried to get a hold of the on call doctor for Shaun's OB and that also kept disconnecting us. We ended up going back to the same hospital he had his surgery and they did a CT scan and said he had an illius, which is basically saying that his bowels never woke back up from anesthesia so nothing he was putting in his mouth was processing. He had to go without all food and liquids and be on just IV fluids until the bowels woke up on their own. That ended up being a couple of days and I did not spend the night that time. I had to go to work. In fact, Shaun got released from the hospital a few hours before I had to be at work. I've been totally exhausted through the past week with my sleep schedule being all fucked up.
I feel like a major asshole for this but I kind of hit my limit of patience before Shaun had his surgery so I'm just at the point of trying to remain calm and unreactive and I feel bad about that because of course he will be in a pain and need help right after surgery. It's been really hard to remain open after months of walking on eggshells being yelled at and then the constant complaining about what ever part of his body feels like. UGHHHHH!!! I just mostly internalize my shit and I think most people with chronic pain do. He knows about all this though. I have told him I am sorry I'm not a better care giver like he needs. I'm just really fried. He does say that he can already feel a difference without the girly guts. I'm just really hoping this surgery fixes a lot of things. He says he feels a lot more emotinally stable too, like not containing constant rage attacks. Thank the Universe! It's been a major undertaking for me not to react to the emotional outbursts with my own, which only makes things worse. It's no mystery that I have my own anger dragons to wrestle.
Speaking of which, I'm still totally disgusted with my mother and still have no desire to speak to her, which actually surprises me. I kind of feel like a veil has been lifted and I see a side of her that I never believed was there. It's not just stupid and ignorant. It's actually mean. I never saw her as a mean person before but right after I deleted her she started letting the bullshit fly. I'm glad she's doing it. I'd rather dislike her for who she is than to like her and have it be a lie. OMG the stuff she posts now... The stupid burns so much! Today she was totally going off about how liberal feminists were the ones that are ruining everything. The day she hung up on me it was Black Lives Matter people who were ruining everything. She's just GROSS! I can't make excuses for her anymore. I just want to projectile vomit on her face! If I didn't kind of look like her, I'd swear I was adopted. Since I'm no longer on her FB, Shaun's been telling me what's going on and how other family members are confronting her on the stupidity and hypocrisy of her posts. One of them is my brother in law. I messaged him and told him I'm embarassed she is my mother. He was defending her and making excuses for her just as I have all these years and the funny thing is, she talks shit about him all the time. He has no idea. Anyway, I can't say I will never speak to her again but I can say, I still have no desire. A thing has been going around that the majority of Dumpsters actually believe Green Bowling Massacre is a real thing. FUCKING REALLY???!!! We need an asteroid STAT. Just wipe us all out. Humans are way too stupid to exist anymore.
As far as the weight loss surgery thing goes, I found out that my insurance will only pay for it if I have a BMI of at least 45 or 40 with major medical issues. I have to be morbidly obese with a foot in the grave already. That seems really dumb because at that point, I'd have 40 pounds of extra skin hanging and need even more surgeries for that. So I talked to Shaun and I'm going to self pay. It costs over $10K to do it with self pay but I'd rather do it before I'm morbidly obese. My stomach is already uncomfortable where I got the tummy tuck. Scar tissue does not stretch. I just want to do it and move on. I have a consultation Monday and have to go through a few steps to make it happen. I have an entire wardrobe I can't wear because of this. I bought new scrub pants and I have stretchy pants that stretch on the pockets. That and tube dresses are what I have to wear right now. It's frustrating and demoralizing. Okay, going to stop whining about that now. I just hope I can pass the psych eval on it. I may try to Google it and see what they are looking for. I do have a history of eating disorders from my teenage and early adult years. Should I lie about that and say I don't? I fail so many trick questions because of honesty.
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
Treading Water
Lately I've noticed I've been having a lot of problems with anxiety and while I'm able to show a good face to the world, my jaw and teeth hurt, which means I've been grinding my teeth in my sleep and clenching my jaw, and I get nauseous a lot. I can can feel the muscles in my back and neck squeezing. It's all stress. I got in a huge fight with my mom on the phone. Totally me starting it being confrontational but then I got really angry when she started popping off about BLM and how they are "so full of hate you can see it in their faces" and they are causing so many problems. Then she started popping off about a bunch of other right wing bullshit. I actually said "fucking" to my mom, which I've never purposely done, probably ever in my life. She ended up hanging up on me. Really how it started was me asking her to please stop saying "Just give him a chance" because I'm deleting every single person off my list that says that from now on. I mean seriously, if 2 years of horrible behavior still leaves you blind and deaf, there's no hope for you. Anyway, she said, "Just delete me then" and it spiraled from there. My mom is a racist and she's anti immigrant but she doesn't know it because she has that one friend from India and a gay daughter and bla bla bla... the bullshit that bigots say as proof they aren't bigots. I just can't stand it. She asked me what I expect her to do and I said, stop being silent about everything. SAY SOMETHING! Call people out on their shit. Her church is anti-gay, her political party is anti everything except money and guns. It's so hypocritical! I was in a mood because I had woken up to yet another shit storm. Anyway, tonight I decided I'm going to do something constructive with it. I was given $100 by my patient's grandmother, which she does on the holiday and it drives me nuts but she just won't stop, SO, I still have the money. I've decided to give $100 to the ACLU and donate it in my mom's name.
In the meantime, Shaun's surgery is Thursday morning and I am losing patience with the whining. OMG! I finally told him I don't care about every micro sensation he feels in his body. I don't need the play by play every 5 minutes. For reals! He has, at least, a mild form of hypochondria. If he has a headache, he must be about to have a stroke and he'll take his blood pressure every 30 minutes. I mean I don't care about that but I don't want to hear about it constantly. Chart by exception!!! That means, if something changes, let me know. That probably sounds terribly heartless but come on... this is almost daily for 7 years. I've even had to call an ambulance before because he was sure he was dying. Nothing wrong. I have tried very hard to at least appear understanding and patient but it's been so much worse the past few months, I'm like "YAY WORK!" HIs version of not complaining about every sensation is to moan loudly and then say "sorry". AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
On a related note, I saw my GP about the weight loss surgery thing. She put in the referral but says it's kind of a long shot. She also gave me a prescription for Klonopin and I have an appointment with my dentist next week to get a mouth guard so I can save what's left of my teeth.
In the meantime, Shaun's surgery is Thursday morning and I am losing patience with the whining. OMG! I finally told him I don't care about every micro sensation he feels in his body. I don't need the play by play every 5 minutes. For reals! He has, at least, a mild form of hypochondria. If he has a headache, he must be about to have a stroke and he'll take his blood pressure every 30 minutes. I mean I don't care about that but I don't want to hear about it constantly. Chart by exception!!! That means, if something changes, let me know. That probably sounds terribly heartless but come on... this is almost daily for 7 years. I've even had to call an ambulance before because he was sure he was dying. Nothing wrong. I have tried very hard to at least appear understanding and patient but it's been so much worse the past few months, I'm like "YAY WORK!" HIs version of not complaining about every sensation is to moan loudly and then say "sorry". AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
On a related note, I saw my GP about the weight loss surgery thing. She put in the referral but says it's kind of a long shot. She also gave me a prescription for Klonopin and I have an appointment with my dentist next week to get a mouth guard so I can save what's left of my teeth.
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