Here's another subject that I've been mulling over in my mind for quite a while now. It's taken me a while to figure out why "PC" has become such frowned upon thing. Well it didn't used to be called PC. It used to be called treating other humans beings with respect. Then it got changed to PC when people got sick of being nice to others. So I kind of view this from 2 directions, depending on my mood. One is from my bitter jaded side that has the view that it's no longer in fashion to throw minority or disadvantaged groups of people under the bus, make them the butt of every joke, perpetuate negative stereotypes as if it's normal acceptable conversation or use words to describe a minority as a slang insult. People who have privilege have always done this with abandon in the past but now the minority groups are sick of it and taking their fun away. Seriously. Watch some oldie but goodie movies like Porky's, Revenge of the Nerds, Police Academy, Airplane, 16 Candles.... etc. It's kind of shocking what used to pass as funny. Most of it just isn't even funny. Some of it is disturbing like the rape culture stuff. Anyway, the other, more soft and forgiving side of me sees it has a rapid social dynamic change. Some people like change. Some people have a hard time with change. It seems the main people that have a hard time with change are the people who had the rules and social "norm" going in their favor in the first place. They never got the ass end of the deal so now they are upset that something is being fixed they weren't aware was ever broken. Some people have gotten really upset at the rapid rate of change and believe that we should require decades or centuries for changes to gradually happen. Well I guess that works great for those who are in a position of privilege and don't have to endure abuse generation after generation, waiting for significant change to happen in their favor.
So, I get that "PC" is pissing a lot of people off. Partly that is because that's the way media and politics is herding them. It tells them what to think and feel and most people are easy to herd. It used to be the cool thing to start taking into account how normal social interactions actually harm others. Now it's cool to say what's on your mind and if anyone is harmed then it's just because they were being oversensitive and weak so they need to sit down. Freedom of speech... 'Murica, etc.
I even hear this from normally very caring and good hearted individuals and that's what really made me want to kind of analyze this to death. I wanted to be able to wrap my mind around how being nice became undesirable. Aside from constant messages all around us that we should keep fighting with each other and be divided, that we should always be distracted from the real criminals, there's one really big thing that never gets mentioned. There's a social norm that has been with us a really long time. More and more people are becoming aware of how our social norms are very subtly chipping away at minorities, at poor people, at women, even men. It's a constant thing I see everywhere I see that people are completely unaware of how they speak and blow it off like it's nothing. It's far from nothing. It's self programming and affirmation that is often self hating, self depreciating and divisive in ways that could topple any empire if there was more consciousness and rebellion against this constant brain washing. It's in our very DNA. Hard wired into us. This doesn't make us helpless against it but it will take constant self monitoring to change wiring. Changing these subtle things, over time, will change a social paradigm that could literally change the world as we know it but first, we have to take personal responsibility and change these small things inside of ALL of us, no matter how exhausting or annoying it seems. Otherwise, all we are doing is remaining an easily led herd of cattle that remains helpless and hopeless against those who control everything else in our lives.
Here are but a few phrases and words that are destructive, both in a direct and subconscious manner. Take it seriously and give each other permission to say something when you slip up. If there is to be any hope at all for humanity, we must change how we behave and speak about each other.
First, women, stop self hating! When you make statements about all women being catty or bitches, you are also including yourself, since you are also a woman! Don't buy into this crap that women are weak, petty, manipulative, over emotional, etc. These are destructive sexist phrases that keep us slowly cannibalizing ourselves and make the world a more hostile place to live in:
*Don't be such a pussy
*That's so gay
*You must have a small dick
*You're a whore/slut/bitch
*He screamed like a little bitch/girl
Any kind of slut shaming, talking about women's appearances in order to insult, talking about their sex lives in order to shame, any kind of shaming really. Shaming belongs in churches. That's how they control people and also why I don't go into churches. Don't shame.
Speaking of sexist shaming, boobs and pecs are the same. Everyone has nipples unless they had them surgically removed. Some feed. Some don't. Some are large. Some are small. NONE of those things are even gender based except the feeding thing. Stop breast shaming women. It's brain washing to separate men's chests from women's chests. Stop perpetuating gender stereotypes. Let humans be humans. If a person is sad, let them grieve. Let them cry. If a person is angry, let them speak with passion. If a person wants to wear a skirt, pants, short hair, long hair, no hair... LET THEM without judgement. It's not your business or concern. Gender and sexual expression is a huge gray area. Nothing is black or white. Not even crayons. One reflects all color and the other absorbs all color. Our brains interpret and filter information and relay back to us what it thinks fits best. That does not really equal reality. "Reality" is subjective to each individual. That means what you feel is absolute truth may be the absolute opposite with equal passion and conviction to another person.
Understand that not understanding something is OKAY. It doesn't mean you are defective and it doesn't mean the thing you don't understand is defective or doesn't exist. Not everything has been discovered. Not everything has been studied and not everything has a way to be studied with our current stage in evolution and technology. Not being able to measure or understand is only a statement about the tools or the person trying to understand. It does not negate what IS.
When something exists that you don't like, there is really not choice to "not believe" in it. It exists or it does not. Not wanting it to exist does not negate its existence. You can say "I don't believe in being gay", yet it exists whether you believe in it or not, whether you want it or not. You will never be able to exterminate that which you do not like.
Let go of the need for boxes and categories. Just let things be what they are without need to give it rigid rules of what it can like or not like. I get that must seem weird reading this but if your true self is to be racist or sexist or really mean... uhhh knock yourself out I guess. I don't really think that's anyone's true aspiration but you know, you do you.
If you don't like being "PC", then stop thinking of it as "PC" and start thinking of it as being a more emotionally intelligent and thoughtful person. Educate yourself about others, not for the purpose of being able to empathize, since that's hard to do if you aren't boxed into that group label, but for the purpose to seeing things from another point of view. You don't have to self hate or walk on eggshells. You don't have to own other people's feelings. If you want your children or grandchildren to have any kind of a peaceful existence though, you need to start making changes in the way you think and speak and relate to others and teach your kids the same so a new paradigm can be born and peace can be possible. It's already happening. Just go watch those old favorite movies. It's an eye opener.
Friday, May 6, 2016
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Transitions and transissues....
A few weeks ago, Shaun was able to get top surgery. After 20ish years of fretting over puberty, those sad squished down boobs are in the past. Fighting with the insurance company was a real bitch. As of January, the new insurance policies came out and outright stated that they cover all transgender surgeries, yet when we submitted the paperwork, it was denied, saying they do not cover mastectomies except in cases of breast cancer. WRONG. When he called them, the lady he talked to said it appeared they didn't even read it but even with it being their mistake, we had to go through an appeals process and re-submit the paperwork. It was denied again, on the grounds that they do not cover it. We got the plastic surgeon to do a peer to peer with the insurance company doctor. Again he was told that they do not cover it and that we must be mistaken. Shaun had to take a screen shot of the policy that states that YES they do cover it and even lists exactly which procedures, including mastectomy. I think the plastic surgeon thought we were delusional until he saw that. Then it was on. His insurance gal took over and she fought like hell with them for months. It went all the way to the top and even past the date of the surgery. They were afraid the insurance company would not cover it. Oh hell yes, they would, even if we had to sue the shit out of them to get it covered. If you don't want to cover something, don't list it as something you cover! Quite simple! The main worry was that the hospital would not authorize the procedure without the go ahead from the insurance company but they did. We just had to sign an agreement saying we'd pay it if the insurance company didn't. They milked every minute out of it they could. I don't know what they possibly had to gain from stalling like that but they weren't going to win. They had a deadline in which they *had* to have it all resolved, which happened around a week after the surgery took place. It was down to the last 2 hours and that was when they started asking for proof that Shaun was really transgender. REALLY??? NOW??? From the beginning, they said over and over that they needed no proof, even though we were totally prepared to provide it. They ended up having a special committee just for this particular benefit and at that last minute, when they could no longer deny that they cover it, they just tried to go after the money part. The plastic surgeon wasn't on their list so they were only going to pay half. No bitches. Try again. We submitted a gap waiver already because they had no doctor on their list that could do the procedure. Eventually, in the last hour, they finally conceded and agreed to authorize the whole thing. Well thanks for doing your actual jobs finally. Bastards. The poor insurance lady was in tears with relief when it was all over. She was such a trooper. We brought them a box of cookies as a thank you for being so awesome.
The surgery went well, however, it hasn't been totally smooth sailing. Shaun has a very low pain tolerance and that translates to a tremendous amount of whining. LOL... No really. Like constant. I think he's finally gearing down on that. Hey I get that there's pain but vocalizing and focusing on every minute sensation isn't helpful in any way and it's torture for everyone else too. I've been through this and so much more so I feel like I can have a say in this matter, plus, I admit that I'm a little judgy about excessive whining when a perfectly healthy person chooses to undergo a cosmetic surgery. Suck it up buttercup. I know I'm a bitch like that. I'm okay with it. There haven't been any dangerous side effects but there has been a bit of fluid trapped and it makes a sloshing sound. It's pretty common in these circumstances and usually resolves on its own, being reabsorbed into the body. Sometimes it can turn into a seroma though and has to be manually sucked out with a syringe. That does suck. I'm not going to lie. So far, it looks like he may escape that part but we'll find out tomorrow.
So on to related matters. It just so happened that the timing of Shaun having his breasts removed coincided with the nation-wide frenzy over trans people in bathrooms. It's a fucking witch hunt right now and I'm somewhere between insanely afraid for Shaun's safety and in a murderous rage over the dangerous stupidity that surrounds me. Suddenly trans people are a danger to small children. I've decided to include a Q&A here, which won't get read, but it will make me feel better to get it off my chest.
QUESTION; I'm not against people being trans but if a law allows them to go into the restroom they identify with, what's to stop a man in a dress from coming and and molesting me and/or my children?!
ANSWER; Well nothing stopped it before and it wouldn't be stopped now, IF that were an actual problem, but it's not. 99% of child molesters are regular straight males, most are a family member or friend of the family. There have been ZERO instances of a transperson assaulting or molesting people in a restroom, however, on the flip side, there have been countless times transpeople have been assaulted or murdered just for being trans.
STATEMENT: It's common sense that if you have a penis you go into the male restroom and if you have a vagina you go into a female restroom. That's how we keep men out of the women's restroom.
ANSWER; If this is how you want to keep men out of the restroom, you're going to have a problem. First off, most transmen (born women who later transitioned to being a man) have a vagina and that's the only female part they do have. Many have taken hormones, which means they have body hair and their bodies have reshaped to make them look more male. In fact, many are totally indistinguishable from men who have penises. To require the rules to be based on genitalia, without actually being able to check genitalia, that just opens the door wide open for any male to come into the female restroom, no dress needed.
Secondly, some states allow trans people to have their gender marker changed, on their driver's license and their birth certificate, even if they have the opposite genitalia.
Thirdly, since genitalia cannot be checked and there's such a big deal being made out of it, the backlash is that any person who does not neatly fit into the stereotype of a girly girl or manly man, is being harassed... I mean, they always have been but now it's even moreso. Women, who identify as women, who happen to have short hair and pants on are being forcibly pulled out of the restroom by actual MEN and kicked out of establishments if they do not produce proper ID. Last I checked, no one really has the right to demand anyone's ID in the restroom but even if I fit the bill genetically, I'd say kiss my ass on the ID thing because it's not being required for EVERYONE to provide their ID to use the restroom. If you want to impose those kinds of restrictions, you can't just single out people here and there. That's called BIGOTRY. Make it equal or STFU.
Fourth, there are many people who have had surgery to change their genitalia or who were born with unclear genitalia or both genitalia. There are people who have crazy stuff going on with their hormones that make it scientifically unclear which gender they belong to so doctors just assign one at birth and hope it's the right one. That's the thing... there are so many variables to this but many are uneducated so they think it's just a very black and white issue. It's not!
Fifth, last I heard, it's still against the law to assualt, molest, rape, etc. This has nothing to do with which gender is using which bathroom. This law was made before a problem presented itself. It, in effect, created the problem it was meant to fix.
Also, if you start a sentence with, "I'm not against "A", but....", chances are you are, in fact, against "A" but don't want to look or feel like an asshole. News flash... You're an asshole. Now you get to choose to fix yourself or not.
My theory is this... The conservatives and privileged are losing their ability to control everything and everyone around them. The political parties are crumbling. There is scandal and corruption everywhere. The people in power needed a distraction from what was going on in their ranks, so they picked a minority group that hardly anyone knew any information about and threw them right under the bus with all sorts of crazy bullshit that would feed the paranoia and constant state of terror that the uneducated bigots live with on a daily basis. They can't handle if things are calm. They need that constant adrenaline flow to remind them that the "enemy" is just about to kill them all, or take something away from them, i.e. freedom, guns, their ability to flap their worthless pie holes in public spaces, etc. Almost everyone knows a gay person by now, so they can no longer make gays the unknown scary boogeyman, but transpeople... Oh hey! There we go! Most people have never met a transperson, that they know of and it's weird and freaky so it must be dangerous and bad. New boogeyman to throw our rage at! Woooooooo!
The crazy amounts of stupidity that I constantly see in the human race just never fails to disappoint me even more... Even when I think I cannot have a lower opinion than I already do, I get surprised again. It's just amazing to me how low people can get and how EASILY manipulated and herded they are by the media and politicians. I mean, I can imagine they get a huge laugh out of how easy it is and make bets about how far they can go with outrageous bullshit that people will still believe, no matter how ridiculous, as long as it continues to feed their paranoia, superstitions and ignorance.
No one wants your guns. No one wants to see you take a shit.
I'd rather you not breed and I'd rather you STFU, yes, but I am not trying to have laws put in place to make that happen. That's just my fantasy super power.
The surgery went well, however, it hasn't been totally smooth sailing. Shaun has a very low pain tolerance and that translates to a tremendous amount of whining. LOL... No really. Like constant. I think he's finally gearing down on that. Hey I get that there's pain but vocalizing and focusing on every minute sensation isn't helpful in any way and it's torture for everyone else too. I've been through this and so much more so I feel like I can have a say in this matter, plus, I admit that I'm a little judgy about excessive whining when a perfectly healthy person chooses to undergo a cosmetic surgery. Suck it up buttercup. I know I'm a bitch like that. I'm okay with it. There haven't been any dangerous side effects but there has been a bit of fluid trapped and it makes a sloshing sound. It's pretty common in these circumstances and usually resolves on its own, being reabsorbed into the body. Sometimes it can turn into a seroma though and has to be manually sucked out with a syringe. That does suck. I'm not going to lie. So far, it looks like he may escape that part but we'll find out tomorrow.
So on to related matters. It just so happened that the timing of Shaun having his breasts removed coincided with the nation-wide frenzy over trans people in bathrooms. It's a fucking witch hunt right now and I'm somewhere between insanely afraid for Shaun's safety and in a murderous rage over the dangerous stupidity that surrounds me. Suddenly trans people are a danger to small children. I've decided to include a Q&A here, which won't get read, but it will make me feel better to get it off my chest.
QUESTION; I'm not against people being trans but if a law allows them to go into the restroom they identify with, what's to stop a man in a dress from coming and and molesting me and/or my children?!
ANSWER; Well nothing stopped it before and it wouldn't be stopped now, IF that were an actual problem, but it's not. 99% of child molesters are regular straight males, most are a family member or friend of the family. There have been ZERO instances of a transperson assaulting or molesting people in a restroom, however, on the flip side, there have been countless times transpeople have been assaulted or murdered just for being trans.
STATEMENT: It's common sense that if you have a penis you go into the male restroom and if you have a vagina you go into a female restroom. That's how we keep men out of the women's restroom.
ANSWER; If this is how you want to keep men out of the restroom, you're going to have a problem. First off, most transmen (born women who later transitioned to being a man) have a vagina and that's the only female part they do have. Many have taken hormones, which means they have body hair and their bodies have reshaped to make them look more male. In fact, many are totally indistinguishable from men who have penises. To require the rules to be based on genitalia, without actually being able to check genitalia, that just opens the door wide open for any male to come into the female restroom, no dress needed.
Secondly, some states allow trans people to have their gender marker changed, on their driver's license and their birth certificate, even if they have the opposite genitalia.
Thirdly, since genitalia cannot be checked and there's such a big deal being made out of it, the backlash is that any person who does not neatly fit into the stereotype of a girly girl or manly man, is being harassed... I mean, they always have been but now it's even moreso. Women, who identify as women, who happen to have short hair and pants on are being forcibly pulled out of the restroom by actual MEN and kicked out of establishments if they do not produce proper ID. Last I checked, no one really has the right to demand anyone's ID in the restroom but even if I fit the bill genetically, I'd say kiss my ass on the ID thing because it's not being required for EVERYONE to provide their ID to use the restroom. If you want to impose those kinds of restrictions, you can't just single out people here and there. That's called BIGOTRY. Make it equal or STFU.
Fourth, there are many people who have had surgery to change their genitalia or who were born with unclear genitalia or both genitalia. There are people who have crazy stuff going on with their hormones that make it scientifically unclear which gender they belong to so doctors just assign one at birth and hope it's the right one. That's the thing... there are so many variables to this but many are uneducated so they think it's just a very black and white issue. It's not!
Fifth, last I heard, it's still against the law to assualt, molest, rape, etc. This has nothing to do with which gender is using which bathroom. This law was made before a problem presented itself. It, in effect, created the problem it was meant to fix.
Also, if you start a sentence with, "I'm not against "A", but....", chances are you are, in fact, against "A" but don't want to look or feel like an asshole. News flash... You're an asshole. Now you get to choose to fix yourself or not.
My theory is this... The conservatives and privileged are losing their ability to control everything and everyone around them. The political parties are crumbling. There is scandal and corruption everywhere. The people in power needed a distraction from what was going on in their ranks, so they picked a minority group that hardly anyone knew any information about and threw them right under the bus with all sorts of crazy bullshit that would feed the paranoia and constant state of terror that the uneducated bigots live with on a daily basis. They can't handle if things are calm. They need that constant adrenaline flow to remind them that the "enemy" is just about to kill them all, or take something away from them, i.e. freedom, guns, their ability to flap their worthless pie holes in public spaces, etc. Almost everyone knows a gay person by now, so they can no longer make gays the unknown scary boogeyman, but transpeople... Oh hey! There we go! Most people have never met a transperson, that they know of and it's weird and freaky so it must be dangerous and bad. New boogeyman to throw our rage at! Woooooooo!
The crazy amounts of stupidity that I constantly see in the human race just never fails to disappoint me even more... Even when I think I cannot have a lower opinion than I already do, I get surprised again. It's just amazing to me how low people can get and how EASILY manipulated and herded they are by the media and politicians. I mean, I can imagine they get a huge laugh out of how easy it is and make bets about how far they can go with outrageous bullshit that people will still believe, no matter how ridiculous, as long as it continues to feed their paranoia, superstitions and ignorance.
No one wants your guns. No one wants to see you take a shit.
I'd rather you not breed and I'd rather you STFU, yes, but I am not trying to have laws put in place to make that happen. That's just my fantasy super power.
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