Trip Report

Growing mushrooms has been so much fun.  Once I got past the initial learning curve, which was extremely stressful, and past the first flush, all the rest was extra stock and learning what works and what doesn't.  I've also been experimenting with working with chocolate.  I made some solid chocolate ones, peanut butter covered in chocolate and Nutella covered with chocolate.  The peanut butter ones need work.  I used some coconut oil in that batch and though I'm sure they are delicious, I have to keep those in the fridge because they have such a low melting point.

I tried my first large dose last night, taking 4 grams and made sure it was the ugliest first chocolates where I was still trying to figure out how to keep each piece with 1 gram of mushrooms and also know how much chocolate each one needed but still being able to do more than 1 or 2 at a time.  It's incredibly time consuming and makes a huge mess.  The results are so nice though because I got colored foils and tiny mushroom stickers for each one.  Not sure why I went to that trouble other than it's fun and maybe it's getting a sense of the pride of completing a project.  I managed to get 4 flushes out of my first tub before contamination hit and I'd say that's a huge win.  Now I get to start over.  Not sure when that will happen.  We have loads to last us for a while.

So last night... I took 4 grams and it started hitting pretty quickly.  I got the buzzing in my head maybe 20 min after ingesting the chocolates.  I was expecting some nausea at some point but never got any.  I had already saved some things to do so I found a guided meditation on Youtube on astral travel, turned out the lights and sat back on the couch.  I did not astral travel in the way the guy described it.  I did not see my body or fly around my neighborhood.  Instead it was like being in another dimension like the DMT fractal world.  Lots of fractals and lights.  If my eyes/brain perceived light then the area I was in was light and full of different normal colors.  If it perceived dark then all the colors were neon with a black background.  It pulsed back and forth between the two.  That was the beginning of my journey so that's pretty much all I saw.  Once the meditation was done I started watching Moving Art which is my all time favorite thing to watch while tripping.  I watched the ocean and waves and felt so much love and nurturing energy from it.  I saw the sun and felt forgiveness and compassion.  I saw rock formations and thought about all the things those rocks have seen over the eons and how they don't care about things like the stock market or money or electronics.  The floor looked 3 feet deep.  The whole room looked like a computer simulation and in fact, I felt like, for the first time, that what I was seeing was far more real than what I normally see.  Like we normally view things with layers of something that dulls and dampens our senses.

I decided to take a shower and it was like I occupied my mind but observed the care that was being given to my meat suit.  I looked down at my meat suit as my arms and hands washed it and was thinking about how harsh I am about it.  I just felt so much gratitude that my meat suit has endured so much and still carries me through this life.  I saw my meat suit as strong and beautiful.  So this is the gross part.  Back when I was doing radiation, they put round clear stickers on me with X's drawn on them so they could guide the laser to the exact spot and one of the stickers had fallen off in the shower and was stuck in the corner.  I've always left that sticker there and I always saw it when I took a shower.  This time when I was in the shower, I realized that the sticker was a little symbol of the resentment and bitterness I felt about my cancer and the barbaric treatments I endured.  I just felt like letting that go at that moment.  I picked up that sticker and threw it away finally, then dried off my awesome meat suit with a smile.  It was nice.  I felt like a significant part of me healed inside.

I remember thinking to myself, how can this be illegal?  It's amazing and good!  I felt like the world could be healed on this stuff.  But I realize that not everyone has the same kind of experience, although I do think that whether comfortable or uncomfortable, it brings out what is already in us and one could argue that if it turns out to be something uncomfortable, then that is something that was already there and deserves some time and attention... that it needs to be worked through.  I suppose that's easy for me to say right now since I haven't had anything horrifying happen but at this point it's how I feel.

Still in the right setting, this could be so beneficial to people, with the right kind of direction.  It shouldn't be shunned or treated like it's horrible.  It was a beautiful healing experience for me.

Next time I plan to be in a place where I can see some stars and spend time looking at the stars and seeing what kinds of insights I can get from that.

Down the Rabbit Hole

Wow... 2 months have gone by.  Woops, where did the time go?

I feel like not a lot has happened but yet there have been some interesting things.  I've been growing mushrooms and learning all about that.  It was super stressful at first because there are many pathways to success and failure with it.  It's a delicate line.  If there was one path it would be easier but there are choices and each choice has little margin for error.  I think I am finally coming out the other side of it though.  I've built up my knowledge and actual hands on experience enough that I can start building on what I already know and even experiment and trouble shoot.  I have a monotub going and it's on its 3rd flush.  I made chocolates and capsules out of what I've gotten so far and been experimenting with microdosing.  So far it's been positive.  Making chocolates has been difficult and is very time consuming to get a consistent dosage with each one.  I'm still experimenting with more efficient ways to do it.  Right now I'm doing 2-3 chocolates at a time using a method like in those ice cream places where they smear it out, put the toppings on and mix it with a knife only I do it on a cutting board.  After it's mixed I push the ball into a mold.  It's not actually pourable at that point so that's how I've been doing it.  I even bought foils and cute stickers for them.  Too bad I can't sell them because they look so professional and cute!

Everything else is going well.  Within the next month it looks like we'll be looking at airfare for the Peru trip and I'll be going to a dentist and peridontist to get some way too expensive work done on my teeth.  I feel a bit selfish for it since it's mostly cosmetic but dammit... I have no boobs so I'd like to have a nice smile at least.  I'm experimenting with my hair and short hair styles.  I have ice blue hair at the moment and it's a cute butch hair cut.  Great hair cut but not so sure it's quite me.  I think next time I'll go even shorter but do a more piecey comb forward kind of cut.  I'm thinking like a fairy pixie cut... like I'm ready for my dragonfly wings kind of pixie cut.  I want short but more feminine.  Oh this is just boring talk.  Wish I could talk more about the other stuff but ya know...

Tonight (in a few hours) I'll be starting a meditation that is supposed to be every night for a month.  I'll try to keep up on talking about any developments about that.  Last time I was really into meditation was many years ago and I had a lot of weird shit happen.  It's partly why I stopped doing it but I do miss having an open line to my guides and maybe since my life is more stable now and I'm older the scary stuff won't be a thing.  Last time I had an issue with feeling a sort of motion sickness during meditation and often things would happen in the room that were like ghosty things.  It creeped me out pretty bad.  I'm getting my friend Cliff into it.  I guess he's not going to Peru with the rest of us now but he still wants to go and I think this might help him get into a place to be better able to take the journey and hopefully, in time and with practice, get out of his analytical space a bit.  He's definitely very willing to try. 

Also I am starting to get into watercolors.  I think I'm going to do some painting this weekend and excited to do it. 

Will write more soon... not 2 months later since I'm doing the meditation thing.