My friend didn't last long on hospice. Once he got out of the hospital and home, it was maybe a week or so before we got the call that he was actively dying and those who wanted to say good bye needed to come quickly. I was thinking it would be a matter of hours so we just kind of dropped everything and drove over there as quickly as we could. S called into work and I just happened to have that night off. We ended up staying the whole night and became part of a core group of friends and family that would end up taking shifts, always a person by his side and always holding his hand, tagging each other out when someone needed a rest or a bathroom break. We played Iron Maiden for hours, at his previous request. One night we spent hours watching professional wrestling but it was mainly Japanese men. I didn't even know they had their own. That was possibly the most interactive I saw my friend. For about the first 5 or 10 minutes he seemed to watch it and was entertained. Other than that there were just a few brief moments where he'd make eye contact or whisper a word. He was in a lot of pain and could not tolerate being moved, which made things tricky because not moving can also cause pain and then at times he needed to be cleaned up. That was very taxing on him and it was hard to see how much pain it would cause him. Also he had a hard time with secretions and coughing was also very painful for him. We had meds for it but really had to stay on top of it because it took a good 30 to 45 minutes to dry him up. I went in on a Thursday night and he died early Sunday morning while I was at work. From what I was told, the last breath was quick and that was it. It was not too long after they had to clean him up and I think that took whatever energy he had left. His wife, girlfriend and sister were with him. It couldn't have been much more perfect really. S and I went there the next morning after work and chatted a bit with the sister and another friend. His wife and kids had fallen asleep by then and his body had been taken by the undertakers. I'm grateful I got to be there those last days. It was tiring but it was important to me to be there to honor our friendship. Since then, our little core group has been working together to clean the house, do necessary repairs and give support to the wife and adult kids he left behind. The plan is sometime in the next year to get a boat and scatter his ashes in the ocean. I really hope I can make it to that. I know we will make a concerted effort to do it. It all leaves me in a quiet contemplative state and wanting to isolate a bit. It's what I do.
There's really so much more I want to say... No. There's so much more swirling inside my head but I'm going to leave it there. I just don't feel like sharing more. Maybe next time I'll feel like being more forth coming but for now, the hard shell goes back up.
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