Last weekend my friend and I and S went to a BnB out in the country. Initially we were going to go camping to a cool place in Texas that is great for star gazing but apparently everyone else had the same idea so there were no camping spots available for that weekend. I found a spot closer to town that was supposedly a good spot and seemed pretty private so I booked it. I had completely forgotten they had a herd of goats you could feed so that was an awesome surprise. I've always been a little scared of goats because my grandma had a goat that was pretty aggressive when we were kids. In retrospect, it might have just seemed that way because he was way bigger than me and would try to eat my clothes. These goats were not exactly aggressive but shall we say... enthusiastic and unafraid. There was a clear matriarch and what I assume was her baby since this little one that looked like her was the only one she would allow to eat with her. The others she would try to chase away from the food source. At some point, C and I decided to go get some actual food (for us) rather than the gas station snack food we had and realized the goats were no longer behind a fence and they came rushing at us. It wasn't bad at all. Even when some of them jumped up on me it was surprisingly gentle. Those goats were my most favorite thing about the whole weekend.
C & I did 4 grams of mushrooms each, the first night with S as the trip sitter. We were hoping to see a bunch of stars that first night but there was a storm still in the process of clearing out so it was cold and fairly windy. We did hang out for a while with blankets stacked all around us but eventually the wind got to be too much with that cold. There weren't a ton of stars out but my shroom brain was more than happy to fill in all the gaps with lots of colors and dancing stars, along with a few small and silent fireworks. Totally worth sitting outside a while. S put a speaker near the window with some relaxing tunes that were perfect for guiding us on a positive trip. Once we got sick of the cold we scuttled back in the Airstream we rented, with all our blankets in tow and made a towering nest on the couch with our blankets and described to each other what we saw inwardly and outwardly. C strummed on a large ukulele describing the sounds like "caramel" and my mind saw visions of flowing chocolate accented with green, which morphed into other colors of the rainbow.
At one point S laid down to take a nap while C & I promised to be good and I noticed a call coming in on S's phone and answered it. It was a friend who happened to be in the middle of her shroom trip. We were coming down by then but she was peaking and vomiting. She was so happy and enthralled though even with all the vomiting and we could not stop laughing at her descriptions. I'm just glad she thought to call because she was alone and that is not good! Rule #1... Always have a trip sitter that can keep you down a positive path and make sure everything is ok. Rule #2... Don't drink alcohol and take shrooms. In fact, do it on an empty stomach and don't mix anything with it without doing research first! We stayed with her on the phone until she came back down and everything went ok but I think she learned some important lessons.
The next night S was going to trip so he took 4 grams but nothing happened! With him it's hit and miss so I'm not sure what happened there but it was a bummer. I took a last hit of acid I had on me and then wished I hadn't but also nothing happened with me either. I'm not sure why. That's never happened to me before but I figured either it just got too old (if that's a thing) or because I tripped the night before, my brain was fresh out of dopamine and serotonin so there was nothing to react with. I've never tripped 2 days in a row so I have no idea. I was glad though because I really needed sleep. S woke me up around 5:30 the next morning so I could see the clear starry sky and it was nice! It wasn't too cold and windy either.
I still have yet to trip during the day out in nature which is still on my list. I will have to think of a time and place to accomplish this. It might be too late to do it this year though. Maybe on the cruise? I don't know. We shall see what happens. I can plan things but sometimes it just doesn't feel like the right time when I'm in the moment and I rely on my intuition a lot. I can say that icaros are nice and feel like a soothing maternal type energy.
Speaking of icaros, I think it will end up being just my cousin and I going to Peru. I believe she still has a bit of hope that will change but she is in a very difficult position right now and no matter how things happen it's going to be very painful I think, so a bit of denial is totally understandable. I am just trying to be supportive while also not letting her make too many excuses for the person who is being abusive to her. Things will eventually sort themselves out but this could take years. At this point I think it would be not only disastrous but paramount for her to get the most out of the experience if he does not go, but that's not my decision so it will be what it will be.
One of my friends who has been dealing with stage 4 cancer for the last 3 years is now finally succumbing to it. Originally he was given maybe 6 months to live and he got 3 years so I'm going to call that a win. He was able to retire and get his finances in order for his wife and children. He's too young and too awesome to leave this earth but that's how things go I guess. I was happy to hear he wasn't going to wait any longer to go on hospice. People always wait until the last second to go on hospice and then end up with just a few days of relief. Going on hospice is not giving up on life. It has different rules when it comes to narcotics and other controlled substances. It's comfort based without the bias of addiction and dependency. S and I will continue to be supportive friends to he and his wife and help out where needed like getting the house in order for him to be able to stay there until he passes. Right now there is way too much clutter in there. Hopefully they get a good service that can help guide them the best way so he can stay there surrounded by his creature comforts and make that transition as easy as possible.
Also I need to try to deal with my resentments to some other people in his life who are supposed to be closer emotionally but have all but abandoned he and his wife this past year during this time of need. All of a sudden, since he posted publicly that he's going on hospice, his poly wife decides to post publicly that the other love of her life is dying so she will be embracing these precious few moments left. Duh fuck? That just seemed so disingenuous to me. Really? Where have you been the past year? Why do you feel the need to post that publicly rather than just DOING it? These are people who used to go on vacations together and then suddenly things get kinda gross and hard so they vanish until it's clear that if they don't show up, everyone will know just how shitty they actually are. Yuck. They totally lost whatever respect I had left in them. DONE! I really fucking hate poser fake friends that are shallow and selfish and vacuous. It does seem to be the IN way though doesn't it? It's just so common. I mean I can have that kind of relationship with total strangers so why fucking bother? He's seriously one of the best people I've ever known and why a person wouldn't want to nurture the hell out of that rare kind of friendship I will never know.
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