All the King's Horses and All the King's Men

Last weekend, since Shaun and I had it off together, we went to visit our friend who is dying of cancer.  He had more energy than the last time we saw him but he's still very thin.  He's trying but I guess his body is way too busy with things other than accumulating weight, such as accumulating iron and making blood.  His counts are all looking better so he says it may actually buy him a few extra years.  We were so relieved to hear that.  The world is a better place with him alive in it.  His quality of life is still good too.  He also found out he was approved to go on disability which is absolutely wonderful news, and his youngest will get some monetary assistance until he reaches 18.  I know that has been a major concern of his... Taking care of his family since he can no longer work.

This brings me to my second worry which is for my bff.  She has had a problem with her leg for some time, as well as some nerve problems.  After weeks of testing she has discovered that she has a cyst around her spinal cord, which may be inoperable.  She does not know if it's cancer, yet and has to wait again to see a neurologist about the possibility of having surgery.  I'm so worried about her.  She is so full of life and loves getting outdoors and living life to the fullest.  I guess my biggest worry is paralysis but it could be even worse than that.  The silver lining right now is they know for sure it's not ALS because that was the worry for a while.

Shaun said, "It sucks getting old" but these are 2 people in their 40s.  I don't associate cancer and spinal cysts with 40s.  I don't think these are "getting old" things.  They aren't a normal part of the aging process at all.  It sure seems as though we are all falling apart though.  It's a true reflection of our country and our planet.

My step dad called my phone earlier.  I sent it to voice mail.  I don't know how I can give someone my love and time that I have no respect for.  I just don't know how to make peace with it.  Them simply being my parents doesn't seem to be enough for me to just ignore the racism, the religious zealotry, the hatred of women and minorities.  I just can't make it work... So until I figure it out, I wll not speak to them.  I wish I knew less about her.  She's just gross to me.