I've been really struggling with the Taxol chemo treatments. My white blood cell counts have been terrible and it seems to be something rare... or at least uncommon with this type of chemo. On top of that, I've been super sensitive to it in that I've gotten neuropathy with the very first treatment. This chemo is cumulative and the neuropathy can be permanent so that has really freaked me out. I continue to have extreme fatigue, hot flashes every few hours, and sleepless nights. This past Monday I had a Neupogen shot to help with my blood counts but Tuesday, the day of chemo, they were still in the crapper. I had another Neupogen shot and was sent home.
We discussed our options with the doctor. We can't keep coming in every day, expecting to get chemo and be sent home just to come in the next day. The only real option that was given to me was to do it every 2 weeks and extend my chemo 2 more months. No thanks! I'd rather do the A/C chemo than the Taxol and Taxol is supposed to be the easy one! For me it was not. We decided to go to my surgeon and have her do an ultrasound to look at the lymph node that had cancer in it and my tumor to see how far things had progressed. She was unable to even find the lymph node and the tumor didn't look like it was there anymore. She said it may be remnants of a tumor or it may be repairative tissue. Well that's pretty great news!
My doctor was fairly adamant that I should continue my treatments regardless of my side effects. I kind of felt like she was treating me like I was a big wuss. I also told her I had no plans to do the radiation treatments but that I'd wait to make a final decision until after the surgery, when they'd see exactly what was really inside of me still, if anything. I'm pretty adamant that I won't do it though.
Together Shaun and I decided I would stop doing the chemo and go ahead with the surgery. It's scheduled for May 13th. I didn't pick the day but I am so excited it's on the 13th. That's my favorite number! I'm nervous and a little scared that I'm making the wrong decision but mainly I think I'm too exhausted to even celebrate. I did celebrate a little bit with some sushi from my favorite foodie store. I haven't been able to eat anything raw in months. I figure, after the 2 Neulasta shots my immune system is acceptable for sushi. I also picked up a bottle of wine but I have yet to uncork it. I think I forgot it was in the fridge.
When we got home I was so exhausted I was about to fall over. We decided to take a nap. I ended up laying in bed for an hour before I finally got up. No sleep for me... again. Gotta love that chemo coursing through the veins! I think it takes a long time to go away... like several months or even years.
I also got a text on my phone from a previous patient's mom that he was going on hospice. I was actually surprised to hear from her. I don't think I'm on her favorite person list but I'm glad she did anyway. If I am able to attend his funeral I definitely will. He's not even 3 yet. So sad... He was suffering and declining a lot when I was with him though. I wonder if her marriage will survive it.
I think I shall go take a Xanax and see if I can actually sleep tonight. I should start counting how many hot flashes I have in a day.
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