Resigned

One silver lining with all the bullshit happening in 'Murica right now is it's a great way to push my personal growth. I'm getting a lot of practice in not getting too hooked into the fear frenzy. Mostly I just feel resigned to whatever. For me, it takes a tremendous amount of will for me to just let things go. I don't always but I'm MUCH better at it, to the point of not even typing stuff out that ends up being deleted. I also no longer pressure myself to get caught up on everyone's posts. I just scroll though for a minute and turn it off. It's a good thing.

Speaking of resigned, I found out that a close friend of mine has rectal cancer. Since he had no insurance, he waited 18 months after having problems to get it checked out. He's only gotten the biopsy done so he knows it's actually cancer but has no idea how bad it is since the doctor he was referred to doesn't do "self pay" and the one who does has a long waiting list. Based on everything he has told me and his appearance, he knows and we all know but don't say out loud, that he doesn't have long enough to be on a waiting list. In order for him to be on hospice, he has to have a referral from doctor about his prognosis. He's also not exactly "low income" so he's in quite a difficult spot. He's having to call doctors one by one, begging them to accept cash, just so he knows if he's a gonner or he needs treatment.  No one should have to deal with this shit on top of a cancer diagnosis.  The man has kids at home and a wife of 23 years who has her own difficult health problems.  Once we found out, we made a dinner date with them and brought all the fixins so they wouldn't have to worry about it.  He's compartmentalizing his emotions right now and focusing on getting everything in order so his family isn't left in a lurch.  His wife is struggling with her emotions (duh) and trying to wrap her mind around losing her soul mate and being left without a spouse.  We've offered to be emotional support, of course, but I'm not sure they will ask for it.  I'll have to just keep checking in to see how things are going.  It's just fucking heartbreaking though.  2016 is so fucking fired.  All the good guys are dying and the bad guys are running the fucking world.  It's such a joke.

I just finished the season finale of Westworld and made the parallel of the androids in the show and 99% of the rest of us who are trapped in our confined reality with our script that we repeat over and over, even when we try to get away from it, while the rich guys get to do whatever the fuck they want.  Of course the show gives hope to the trapped people because that's how fiction is needed to be portrayed so we can all hold on to that sliver of hope of escaping our confinement so we don't all go apeshit and rebel.